友達

I want to live a humble life. and i think that life veers off from a lot of expectations for me. but that's ok. I can't help but compare myself sometimes because i admit to seeking validation, even when i know its unhealthy. and we all want some validation. we all want to know we aren't completely lost. "good jobs" and high fives and all. like am i doing the right thing if nobody else wants to do the thing im doing? there would have to be something wrong with me if my passion was [insert niche thing]. we actively look for social proof with tried and true ways to success ... and stepping to the path less travelled is equivalent to suicide for someone who values security. and sometimes we convey it in a way that seems arrogant when we earn it.
ahem. a certain major.
yet both perspectives are pretty valid. if you've earned something, you are allowed to show people. if you've earned something, you are allowed to not show people. nobody is going to stop you. however, you can't fault people for having happy or sad feelings from their perceived self-worth, and you often can't predict when. and so it is important to be conscious of our actions, every silence and sound we make, and how they make others feel. it's hard to be warm and happy all the time to others ... in fact, exhausting. but as much as I would love to live in a vacuum and away from every person i know, i can't. it would be too hard to.
i think for a lot of people, they have the same feeling with different levels of certainty. maybe they are also students going through similar struggles, feeling like their talent in one area of their life accounts for a disproportionate amount of their self-worth. or maybe they don't like school but have something they really want to get good at. but as soon as it becomes a chore, it loses its luster. and i think the solution to learning without the requirement of learning is learning from someone else. and to have a buddy. someone on the same wavelength and that you can resonate with. here's some traits i look for, and maybe it will help people feel some a healthy amount of validation:

evidence of hard work - i love tryhards. i love nerds. i'll tease you for it but because i could never share this sentiment in front of you.

a trust of reciprocation - safety in knowing that days will be harder than others, yet people still find time for people they find invaluable. and maybe this is the easiest to exploit. hardest to keep. its a struggle to find the perfect equilibrium.

empathy - because people mistake emotional regulation for suppression. feel emotions and seperate it from actions and goals. and never use stoicism as justification to minimize others.

supportiveness - because life is hard enough without people trying to tear you down. to feel unworthy of what you've built. to feel more undeserving than you already feel. and i've stopped letting the door open to those who want to trample me, regardless of how long the door was open for.

respect - i'm a very reserved person. i like it that way. it feels invasive otherwise. and some may say it's weird but i wish people would say talk less about themselves or others. it feels special to learn something new about someone when its shared organically with a hint of confidentiality. people remind of a really good book; you can research the sparknotes and spoil it. or you can just ... read it.